Negative Reinforcement

Criticism can help us grow, but negative reinforcement can sometimes discourage us from growing.  When met with negativity, our natural tendency is to retract.

We have a choice whether to view something as desirable or undesirable.  Our thoughts create our emotions.  If we view a lesson as positive, then we will learn happily.  Conversely, we will learn grumpily.  ^_^

When in a position to mentor or nurture someone, if we give our feedback in a positive way, we could encourage creativity, experimentation, and growth.

Below are two scenarios, each with two or three responses for comparative purposes.

A) Your child spilled milk on the table.

1) My brother and his wife would say, "Told you to be careful!  See what a mess you have made?  Stop fidgeting and sit still while you drink."

2) I would say, "Ops!"  Then I would help clean up the table.

3) A suggested response would be, "Oh, how pretty!  Look at all the white liquid running all over.  I wonder if we can mop it up quickly.  Here let us see who can clean it up faster.  Ready, set, go!"

The above illustrates how different deliveries would produce different effects.  We try to foster a positive environment in which our children can learn and grow.

Likewise, when giving feedback to a colleague or a friend, we could consider delivering it in a positive fashion.

B) Your child made a mistake.

1) I would say, "That's okay.  We'll fix it."

2) A suggested response would be, "Congratulations!  You have made a mistake.  You have taken a risk.  You are learning.  We are so proud of you!"

A mistake is not a bad thing.  It is a necessary part of growth.  We would still highlight the mistake, for the child or mentee to recognize the error, but in a positive tone.  Then we engage him to fix the problem.  Sometimes we may not have to show him the solution, but rather to encourage him to use his creativity and imagination.  That would foster a healthier growth, as we allow him the freedom to express himself, to be the best that he can be.