Advice
A Bruneian Friend
One day I messaged my Bruneian friend something silly, like "Have you ever tried ...?" It was a funny thought that I wanted to share with him.
He replied, "Have you ever thought of the quality of your question?"
I was immediately taken aback by his response. My funny moment turned solemn.
As if he had not succeeded in dampening my mood, he continued, "Pay attention to how your thought affect the level of your consciousness. Ask yourself, what is the benefit of your question?"
I told him, sometimes I like to play around, to explore, to be curious, etc. He did not reply.
This is a friend I've known for 15 years. He's very sociable, witty, and funny in a social setting.
A Pakistani Colleague
I have a Pakistani colleague who have been in the same company as me for the last four or five years.
When I first knew him, he would always advise me to get a better job with a higher pay and a nice job title. He would advise me to be more active on Linkedin, because that increases my visibility and thus my likelihood to be noticed by potential employers. He would ask me, "Are you in any succession plan? Is there opportunity for you to move up? Why are you still here?" He would tell me that there were many companies out there better than this one, my skills were marketable, if I were to go elsewhere I could easily bump my salary up by 10% or 20%, etc.
He talked about his experience in Saudi Arabia, working for multinational firms, flying business class, etc. He told me that his job here required reporting to the CEO, "the top of the top". I said, "Uh huh", and thought "My job requires me to report to the world (Toronto Stock Exchange)."
One day, he was talking on his cell phone, and he came into my office, shut my door, and continued negotiating with a recruiter on the other line. I think he was aiming for a salary of over $180K. He used my office to talk because he didn't have his own office.
Over the years, his enthusiasm steadily declined. With our new management this year, his workload had increased and his deadlines got tighter. He's much busier nowadays. I asked him, "Are you looking?" He said, no, there's no point, because if he goes somewhere else, the improvement would not be significant enough to warrant the move. So it's better to stay where he is now. He also no longer advises me to move.
~ ~ ~
I think different people preach/advise for different reasons. Maybe they need to reaffirm their beliefs, especially when they see that yours don't align with theirs, not for your benefit, but for their benefit, as they need to re-validate themselves when they see something different.
I see them as stop signs, as turn left/right signs. They don't respect my freedom to be who I am. There's a lot of judgment in their advices. I have always been quiet and respectful to people like that, but now I question, if my behavior had been encouraging them to be more disrespectful of me.
One day I messaged my Bruneian friend something silly, like "Have you ever tried ...?" It was a funny thought that I wanted to share with him.
He replied, "Have you ever thought of the quality of your question?"
I was immediately taken aback by his response. My funny moment turned solemn.
As if he had not succeeded in dampening my mood, he continued, "Pay attention to how your thought affect the level of your consciousness. Ask yourself, what is the benefit of your question?"
I told him, sometimes I like to play around, to explore, to be curious, etc. He did not reply.
This is a friend I've known for 15 years. He's very sociable, witty, and funny in a social setting.
A Pakistani Colleague
I have a Pakistani colleague who have been in the same company as me for the last four or five years.
When I first knew him, he would always advise me to get a better job with a higher pay and a nice job title. He would advise me to be more active on Linkedin, because that increases my visibility and thus my likelihood to be noticed by potential employers. He would ask me, "Are you in any succession plan? Is there opportunity for you to move up? Why are you still here?" He would tell me that there were many companies out there better than this one, my skills were marketable, if I were to go elsewhere I could easily bump my salary up by 10% or 20%, etc.
He talked about his experience in Saudi Arabia, working for multinational firms, flying business class, etc. He told me that his job here required reporting to the CEO, "the top of the top". I said, "Uh huh", and thought "My job requires me to report to the world (Toronto Stock Exchange)."
One day, he was talking on his cell phone, and he came into my office, shut my door, and continued negotiating with a recruiter on the other line. I think he was aiming for a salary of over $180K. He used my office to talk because he didn't have his own office.
Over the years, his enthusiasm steadily declined. With our new management this year, his workload had increased and his deadlines got tighter. He's much busier nowadays. I asked him, "Are you looking?" He said, no, there's no point, because if he goes somewhere else, the improvement would not be significant enough to warrant the move. So it's better to stay where he is now. He also no longer advises me to move.
~ ~ ~
I think different people preach/advise for different reasons. Maybe they need to reaffirm their beliefs, especially when they see that yours don't align with theirs, not for your benefit, but for their benefit, as they need to re-validate themselves when they see something different.
I see them as stop signs, as turn left/right signs. They don't respect my freedom to be who I am. There's a lot of judgment in their advices. I have always been quiet and respectful to people like that, but now I question, if my behavior had been encouraging them to be more disrespectful of me.
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